“I was broken and I didn’t know the man I had loved the most anymore.”
This was Eda at her breaking point, but in the end, she chose to stay with the man that God had intended her to be with.
This is her story.
It was 1993 when I met my husband. We were in college and I had met him thru a friend. After 2 years of being acquaintances, we eventually started going out. He was very sweet.
We were so in love and talked a lot about getting married one day and I did feel he was the one.
We were young and in love, but he wanted more than your usual hand holding and kissing. He pressured me into premarital sex and had threatened to leave me if I don’t. I gave in, and then I broke up with him. Soon, we got back together again.
I got pregnant before graduating college. We got married, and had continued on with our studies.
We lived with my in-laws. There, I saw how my husband was still very much attached to them, and how they were very close. I felt ignored and for years I was always competing for his attention. We lived with them for 5 years, and when we got our own place, it was really close to where they live, so technically we still didn’t really have our privacy as a couple. We then had to move back in with my in-laws and the same issues of feeling neglected were there. It took about 10 years before we were finally on our own.
My craving for attention led me to get involved with another man. It was a short-term fling that lasted for a couple of weeks. Naturally, when my husband found out, he was very angry, and to hurt me back, he had a fling too with another woman. I was broken and the man I loved the most I didn’t know anymore.
“I would try and talk to him, but he was always angry. He has not forgotten nor forgiven me for the “flings” I had. He also always took the side of his family during conflicts. I felt alone.”
We had no regard for whatever the other one was doing. He would not really tell me where he was. He would come home at any time that he pleased. We were not really communicating with each other, and If we were not not talking, we would be fighting. The fights always included threats to leave.”
“I easily got flattered by the attention I get from other men. I even got involved with a married man and that relationship lasted for years. My husband had his suspicions but he had shut me out. He focused on enjoying his life with his friends. While I did turn to other men, only to find love that didn’t actually exist, I did miss him. I cried a lot for what I had lost.”
“One day I met someone online who would give me the fresh start that I needed. This was my chance to be finally happy. I was willing to go abroad and leave my children for a relationship with someone who was everything that my husband wasn’t.”
My husband had found out about this and had threatened to leave me for the nth time… but this time I had agreed.
My husband confided with his brother and his brother’s advice was to fight for me. I was firm with my decision to leave, but then, my “exit ticket” backed out and I was left alone.”
“This was the crossroad, and it was the darkest time in my life. Where was I to go now? I had chosen to stand by my decision. I had planned on getting a place just for myself near work and go see the children regularly… all this, and thinking I at least still owe my husband a decent good-bye.”
We spoke like we have never spoken to each other in years. It was a calm conversation that lasted throughout the night. When morning came he suddenly broke down and cried. He hugged me tight and began to say things that I had longed to hear. Things he would do for me, things that he knew would make me happy but didn’t do.
He asked me to stay.
He then proposed something that we had never considered before. He proposed that we make Christ be the center of our marriage, and to make that true commitment to let Christ lead us was a very heartfelt moment.
Suddenly, everything became clear in a way that I can’t explain. It was as if I knew but didn’t know what it was that I knew. I just knew and with it, a burden was lifted.
I had confessed every bit of sin I kept and my husband had given me forgiveness. That morning in November 2009, God’s forgiveness and character was very real and concrete.
We had fallen in love all over again, but it was a different kind of love because this time we had Jesus. My husband and I felt renewed.
Things were never the same after that. I even remember seeing this twinkle in his eye.
He hasn’t looked at me like that in a long time.
Shared with permission from Eda on worldurbanista.com